couldntpullthetrigger | IC Inbox for crosschecks

[Ready for a not answer? He's about to get a not answer.]

... I'm used to it.

[That's her secret, Cap:

She's always lonely.]

[ Yeah, he understands that well enough. He's quiet for a moment, contemplative in a way that she might recognize. He tends to withdraw and pull into himself as he does, but he comes back out of it fairly quickly. ]

...But you're not alone.

[ Minato squeezes her hand, as if to make a point. ]

[It's okay. She's not looking directly at him, though hearing him talk, she does look at where their hands are joined. It's... hard not to feel kind of isolated in a place like this. She's down to only two people she's known from home, and while there's been plenty of other friendly folks, she isn't entirely sure she trusts any of them enough. He's really the only one she does.]

You can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. [She does it all the time.] But... I get what you mean. I would've been if I'd really chased you off, though...

[ It's an interesting conundrum, really. When he thinks about it, Yukari is a type of person people would logically gravitate more towards than himself. But he realizes the issue is not that people don't want to spend time with her. It's difficult for her to trust and let people in, most of SEES are like that, really, and with good reason. Minato is similarly in no place to judge, absorbing information about others rather than sharing.

The biggest difference is he's never felt like he needed to have someone to share these things with. He's okay with keeping it to himself.

But...is he still like that? He'd made a point to reach out to Souji after his last talk with Yukari. Maybe that's what she's looking for. ]

...It's not the same as back in Port Island, is it?

... No. [She shakes her head, then sighs.] It's all totally different. And I still feel totally out of my element, with being a soldier. I just... wanna go home. Where if I fall off that damn tower, at least it'd be only my own fault, and I wouldn't have to wake up and chew everyone out even if I don't want to.

[ She's right to feel that way. She's not a soldier, and in many respects, she shouldn't have to be. But she is someone who knows how to fight and has a keen sense of right and wrong. She's a valuable asset, someone he knows will always have his back on the battlefield. Is that why they picked her? ]

...It's selfish, [ He begins in a moment of surprising candidness. ] Because I like having you here.

[ A part of him does feel guilty knowing she's having such a hard time. ]

...But I'll make sure that you get home someday if I can.

[He likes having her here. That catches her, because he doesn't usually say anything like that. For a brief moment, she merely has an awestruck look, before she grabs the surprise and shoves it back under a less open veneer.

She's having a hard time because she has a place at home and a future. Things haven't gone completely to shit, but she's also not from far enough past it, either, that she should be over it. That miiiiight just be the difference between them. He's going home to being a door. Not that she knows that, so it's easy for her to say:] ... But I'm not going anywhere without you, if I can help it. [There's a stubborn set to the way she says it. Like she'll fight anyone who argues. Even if it's him.]

You're all that - [Pause. No. That's not what she wants to say, and she shakes her head. She's already said he's her only real close friend here.] No, what I want to say is... I'm not going to leave you alone, either. [Literally leaving alone, of course, not in the more casual sense of 'constantly bugging'.] Not if... I don't have to.

[ That hurts.

Because he knows he can't, it's not something that's ever going to happen. But...it's better that she doesn't know that, isn't it? Better that she can at least believe for a while longer that everything isn't going to get ten times more complicated. He knows it's the way things should be, in the end, yet sometimes it's hard to accept.

So he offers her a small, quiet smile. An attempt at reassurance. ]

...Yeah. I know.

[He has such a nice smile. It's not something she ever feels like she wants to tell no.

Even if she has to sometimes, for everyone's sake. Including his own.]

So let's just... not do that again. I mean, I won't hesitate to come back down on you for another stunt like the book thing, but...

... I don't... ever wanna do that again. And I don't wanna yell at you like I did after I...

... After we failed at the dungeon, either.

You're too important to me to lose like that.

[ He shakes his head, quietly reaching out to take her other hand in his if she'll let him. ]

...It's okay. I think I needed to hear it. [ It definitely put quite a few things in perspective for him. ] ...And I know I'm not the best at telling people, so I'm telling you now...you're important to me too. I didn't really have friends before you and Junpei.

[She's not really in the mood to tell him no - she really is just sort of stuck being glad, so glad he doesn't think she hates him or wants to...

... Wants to leave her alone again.

So the other hand is a go. In fact, she's rather curious as to where this is going to go, and it ends in her look staying... soft. Very soft. Maybe he did need to hear it, but she could've brought it up with a little more tact. She can't argue, though, because he continues.

Hm. So now how to handle this-] That's funny, I never had any real close friends before Junpei, either. [They have the dumb but endearing Magician in common there, at least.] But I think... you've been the first person I can call a best friend, or anything like it. Ever. [But him saying she's important... she hopes it doesn't show on her face, the way her heart leaps and throbs and hurts at that revelation. She can't tell him there's more to it than that. Not yet... she hasn't accepted it for herself yet - this isn't a rank 10 revelation - but there's something there she needs to figure out how to articulate.

Maybe later. Maybe not until they get home. But it'll come some day.]

[ He lets out a soft huff. He does miss Junpei too. Giving the guy a hard time was pretty par for the course, but there were definitely things he would do with Junpei that he wouldn't with Yukari and vice versa. To think that a guy who was so prone to being a little bit of a social idiot would end up being one of his closer friends is strange to think about, but the entire situation is strange to think about, really. He wouldn't change the oddities of his friends for the world, though.

A best friend, huh? A part of him wants to say, "Don't worry, you and Mitsuru-senpai will work it out. You'll have people after I'm gone." Of course he doesn't. This Yukari...she's holding onto him. It's a dull hurt knowing that he's eventually going to betray this trust she's put in him, but he knows that...that she'll have people. She'll be okay.

She'll be okay. ]

I'd ask if that means I get a cool bracelet, but Kenji already beat you to it.

[Well, this is what she gets for being unceremoniously dumped into a world where she doesn't know anyone. It reminds her of when she was forced to move to Kyoto... and then when she returned to the Port Island area and had to tiptoe around everyone. She has a few too many trust issues to be forced to move around like this.

So of course she's holding on to the one friend she has.

It doesn't help that she's also sure she's in l-

... No, she'll discuss that later.]

Yeah? Mr. Popular over here. I guess I'll have to give you something else. Lemme think about it. [Is it her ass? It might be her ass.

Not literally.]

[ Her ass would be nice, but he'll understand if that's not on the docket right now. Honestly, he's just happy to have her around. It's simple and maybe a little less dramatic than it could be considering the circumstances, but...well, those circumstances also said he'd never see her again.

So it's plenty. ]

I could go for a necklace. I'm easy.

Yeah? I think a necklace might be doable. They took everything we had on us at home, so it's not like I can give you anything from there, even if it has sentimental value. [Like, say, a phone charm. That used to be her only friend for a while.

... Funny how that keeps happening to her.]

I'll figure it out.

[ Sentimental value. That's a new thing, isn't it? There wasn't a lot that Minato carried around with himself even back home, but objects that remind you of specific people...he gets it.

There's a pause as he slowly rubs his thumb over the back of her hand. ]

Guess that means I should get you something too.

[... Ugh, she's never escaping this. And she never really wants to. She glances down when his thumb moves and closes her eyes to fight the little blush that tinges her cheeks.]

Y-you don't have to. [To be perfectly honest, he doesn't. But... maybe it'd help.] I mean, I appreciate the thought either way. [It's the thought that counts or whatever. Well, at least in this situation, considering her usual propensity for expensive handbags back home and it being the fastest way to level her S. Link, but w/e. She's still just glad she... gets to keep having him around for now.

The idea of losing someone so close to her over something so stupid and preventable... hell, if you thought she was bad about the idea of it when he died to save the world, she's even more stubborn about it right now.] We'll figure something out. For now I'm just... relieved. This's enough of a gift, I think.

[ At the end of the day, it was stupid and preventable...on his side. He'd been caught up in the moment and hadn't considered her feelings--which is something he had taken for granted. Too much of his attitude that things wouldn't matter so much this time around because he didn't have anything to go back to...well, it's not exactly true. Now is what he has with her and with everyone else, so he has to treat it as something special. Not borrowed time as he keeps thinking, but an opportunity.

The blush on her cheeks isn't bad either. He offers a small smile in return. ]

Do you want to just walk for a bit?

[She's not expecting to look back up and find him smiling. It settles the blush in a little deeper, and she looks off to the side. Yeah, she's definitely not escaping him. If only he knew how many problems she had even after he was dead.] ... Yeah, l-let's do that. [Spending quality time? Sign her the fuck up.]

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